Lost the interest in my life!

when i was younger i used to be someone different than now, i used to work hard, i had a special goal, i worked hard for it, i used my failures to build up my success, i never surrenedered to obstacles, obstacles where on the contrary the building block of my successes, when i failed in physics, i worked more, and i worked harder, i didn't surrender to failure and i didn't like to be tutored, i am not weak, or i wasn't weak i was so strong, i studied so hard, and i ranked the first on class with full marks, and no one had this grade, my physics teacher came to me in person in fromnt of all of my colleagues in el taboor and congratulated me, yes i deserve that, i worked so hard.

i was the source of power to the people around me, i always motivated them without saying a word, i was the good example of a human being in me, they found the optimistic point of view that always ease hard times

even the college that was everything in my life,it was the ultimate goal of my life, it was the bounce of my success, i lost hope in it, i can no more find the motive to succeed in it,i no longer find why i should work hard, when i open a book i can't read anything in it, i feel hopeless to understand and memorize these things,

i lost hope, i lost my enthusiasm, i lost my motives, i lost my dreams, i lost my widom(we yeegy 3ayel so3'ayar lessa omo mafatametoosh ye2ool relator isn't wise ***), i lost my proper judgment of reality, i lost my relation ship with life, i wish it would end so soon,i am not trying and won't try isA to end it my self, but still wish it ends soon, i wish i reach the stage of redemption and have a happy ending there,

i was revising some pathology jars in our pathology museum, the book was met2ata3 5ales, and while i was studying the bronchogenic carcinoma, i realized that i was shredding the the book page by page, i didn't mean to, it was spontaneous, may be i wasn't destroying it,may be i was preparing it to beenforced with plastic to be more suitable for hard uses, i wish my life was like that book, where i can shred it and then strenghen it and make it even harder,

i don't want you my friends to get worried, these are just ideas in my head, may be they are right and may be and hopefully they are wrong, i would like to carry on in my life without having these ideas in my tired head, actually this why i write, i write to drain this ideas out of my poor head,i hope that by writing i can have better life, a life full of reality rather than those awful ideas, i hope i can get back my old days where i used to be the optimum human to live, the one that everybody around me wished to be like me, is this just an idea, or it is a goal to work hard for.