Cross roads

I am standing here in the cross roads of life, life is so mean to me, no one ever gets what he wants i don't even know what i am going to have the next second, it is when everything is going so well and so happily and suddenly find me in a deep hole filled with the spikes of disappointment, it is awful how you can never get what you want from this life, you are having good time saving some good memories and then you get a shot in your heart that kills your happiness and make all the cheering up fade away, i hate when i am living my life not caring a shit about it or about its problems then comes someone that open a closed box that i used to hide in the basement of my brain, these boxes are the defects of me, i don't like them, i can't change them, i can't even paint them to be just little more beautiful, i just put them away and try to forget about them and it is fantastic how good am i in forgetting about these boxes, i hate this boxes specially when someone unintentionally opens them, i am sitting in the restaurant having fun with my best friend we are waiting the waiter that never comes and we have to grab him by our selves, we are talking about the food we gonna eat, talk about internet, talk about life and just coming from no where "Abd Allah do you intend to stay in Egypt after you finishes" why did he even think about that, he meant nothing and it probably means nothing to him, but for me i was shocked, as i found out i am having an ambutated limb covered and he pulled away the blanket to show me how helpless i am and how careless i live my life just to have fun, i was so hurt deep inside, i don't know what i am going to do with my life,

another time,

I am online talking to someone discussing a little problem, i was a part of it, i didn't want to, i had nothing in my hands to keep my away from involving in it, anyway, my friend tells me not to worry, nothing would happen, i feel slightly better, then BANG "has anyone told you that you are intewa2y or berrawy, i laughed at this berrawy as it was the first time to hear about it(i laughed and acted i didn't read intewa2y), the reply came"it is like intewa2y" eshta then i am having a double intewa2y problem :(, i say why, has anyone told you that about me, and the reply comes "no" i just found out that you don't mingle well with people you don't know, that was one of my darkest boxes that i have, YES i am intewa2y and this box is opened, i have never been a social character, i was always the one that accompany anyone who wants to be accompanied with a friend, i wasn't in a group, i didn't go to trips, i have always studied, nothing but studying, that kept people knowing me as the one who is successful and they are my friends cuz they liked that in me, what should i do now, this box showed up in the completly wrong time, the life i am trying to live now needs me to be more social, but that is not me, can't i just quit this new life and stick to my old pale study study study life, a part of this new life is so beautiful making my ugly face looks completly incompatible, i hate this, i hate being stuck in the middle,i hate cross roads where you don't know any more what you want to do or even what you have to do, when i see some pics, i wonder, this looks strange how come these two are in the same pic, can't anyone tell that it can never happens, can't any one yell stop right here, can't anyone scream enough, isn't it enough, or there is still a small candle of hope at the end of this dark road, no one is perfect and i know that, i know that i am having this problem, i wish it hasn't been put on the table, now it can never be burried again, just sometime tell i get used to it and get used with my life, my life that i am living and have to live,

p.s: it wasn't my choice to be introduced to this life, just my parents got married and had me, it is bad that no one can claim being thrown in life without his agreement on it, i wonder if there were a consent made specially to "LIFE" how would it be, it must be so complicated and too long